


Quintessence

by ijustwantedyoutoneedme



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexual!Daryl, Asexuality, First Kiss, Love Confessions, M/M, Mentions of Merle Dixon, Mutual Pining, Rickyl
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-11
Updated: 2015-05-11
Packaged: 2018-03-30 03:31:55
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,035
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3921352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ijustwantedyoutoneedme/pseuds/ijustwantedyoutoneedme
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Merle had told him one day that every single man on earth had only one thing on their mind: survival. And over the years Daryl had learned that, to men like his brother, survival not only meant fighting for one's life or straining to put food on the table, but also making sure to reproduce so the line of succession would not be broken.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Quintessence

**Author's Note:**

  * For [smoldaryls](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=smoldaryls).



> This drabble was written as a birthday gift for my bro [smoldaryls](http://smoldaryls.tumblr.com), thought I'd explore the asexuality spectrum for the occasion!  
> Anyway, I hope y'all like it and don't hesitate to ask questions if you have any :)

“Ya probably think I'm some kinda freak.” Daryl sighed, shoulders sagging against the wall of the watch tower as he sat back, legs dangling over the edge of the railing. The wind was blowing softly, rustling his already unruly hair, reminding him that winter was just around the corner as the cold breeze nipped at the skin of his face like icy fingers tangling themselves in the brown locks of too long hair.

Rick and him had grown closer over the last year, but their rapidly evolving bond had taken a different turn in the last few months. Friendly gestures had turned into tingling touches, and looks full of trust were now full of longing instead, the leader's heated gaze seemingly following the archer's back everywhere he went, making every single hair on his body stand on end and shivers run down his spine.

Daryl was not oblivious, he never had been. He knew there was something there, and he reciprocated those feelings, he, too, wanted more – more of Rick, more of whatever this was. But he only wanted _some_  of these things, and he had hesitated for a long time before bringing it up to the other man. Hell, he hadn't planned on telling him so soon, but Rick had to go and kiss him earlier that night, forcing the words out of Daryl's mouth after he was done kissing the breath out of him.

And now Daryl was left thinking that maybe he was indeed broken, that there was something amiss inside of him, or maybe it was something that wasn't supposed to be there, preventing him from wanting Rick the way Rick wanted him. He loved him, that he was sure of, he had loved the man since the day they had met and set out to find his brother – the one brother who had never understood what it felt like to be in Daryl's shoes, to not _want_  another person in the crude, carnal ways _he_  did.

Merle had told him one day that every single man on earth had only one thing on their mind: survival. And over the years Daryl had learned that, to men like his brother, survival not only meant fighting for one's life or straining to put food on the table, but also making sure to reproduce so the line of succession would not be broken. Daryl remembers snorting at that, and later in life laying in bed at night wondering if the fact that he preferred the strong arms of a man over the soft curves of a woman made him any less of a man. And then he'd think back about all the times Merle had laughed in his face when he'd try to force a girl on him, only for Daryl to tell him that he wasn't in the mood, and the crippling feeling that _something_  was  _wrong_  with him would follow him to sleep, and long after that.

He still felt that way today, especially now that he could feel Rick's gaze on him, searching his face. He probably thought this was some kind of joke, that Daryl was messing with him, that he would end up being totally normal, and that they would live happily ever after – or for as long as this fucked up world would let them, anyway. After what felt like forever, Daryl finally gave in and turned his head towards Rick, noticing the solemn expression on the other man's face as he seemed to understand that, yes, Daryl was serious, and no, there was no version of this where he would get what he wanted.

“I had a girlfriend like that, once. I was a teenager back then, I thought sex was all that mattered to everybody, and that there would be some, eventually. But it never happened, and I ended things because I thought there was something wrong with her.” Rick paused, and Daryl was about to gather his shit and leave, but a hand on his arm stopped him, along with the look in the other man's eyes telling him to stay put and listen to the rest of the story.

“Turns out, the problem was me, not her. I was an uneducated brat who thought with his dick instead of his brain, and she deserved a lot better than that. For that, I'm glad that I broke up with her, because she ended up finding the perfect guy for her, and I ended up marrying Lori.” Rick stopped talking after that, his gaze losing itself in the horizon as the sun set over their heads, painting the sky in vibrant purples and pinks they would have never seen if the world hadn't ended, purifying the air in the process.

“So yer telling me I'm gonna find the perfect guy for me, and that that guy's not ya. Got it. Thought you'd say somethin' along those lines, don't even know why I bothered explainin' it ta ya.” Daryl swallowed the lump in his throat as he tried to stand up again, only to be stopped yet again by Rick's hold on him. It was more forceful this time, the older man seemingly anticipating the way the archer would shove him in order to throw him off, the commotion only resulting in Daryl falling on his ass against Rick, his blood boiling, and angry tears threatening to spill from his narrowed eyes.

“What I'm saying is, I didn't understand what it meant back then, but now I do. And now I know that sex doesn't always come with love, and that sex really isn't all that important, but love is. And I love you, Daryl, and I don't give a fuck if you don't want to have sex with me, because all I want is for you to love me back, and if you can do that, I sure as hell can live without sex for the rest of my life. So the only question here is whether or not you can do that.” Rick was staring at him now, baby blue eyes boring straight into his soul as he searched for an answer like a drowning man looking for air.

“... Yeah, I can do that.”

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr @[richardsdaryl](http://richarsdaryl.tumblr.com)


End file.
